jim and the time watch

I'm not sure where to start. It's. That. Bad. What is supposed to be a story about-well, quite frankly, I don't know what it's about and neither does the author. Patterson has thrown together what he believes is a story full of suspense, intrigue, time travel, and murder. What you get is a hot mess.

Poor Jim, yes, the author addresses his hapless hero as poor Jim for at least half of this first installment of a serialized story. Poor Jim loses his job, his wife, his will to live, and starts hanging out in a bar with new friends Stuart, Mike, and Tiffany. About the time Jim decides to end it all Stuart gives him the time watch, a little invention of Stuart's that allows the wearer to go back in time.

I must admit I didn't anticipate what came next. I was too busy laughing like a drunken hyena. I don't think it's supposed to be funny.

Patterson has committed any number of glaring errors that point out his lack of writing experience, uncertain grasp of the language, raging need for an editor, and his inability to remember what he wrote two sentences previously. Except for poor Jim his characters are just cardboard cutouts and poor Jim is not a whole lot better. He is supposed to be a man at the end of his rope planning to end it all when he is thrust into a situation that turns him into a reluctant hero (?) seeking to save the life of a friend. Instead poor Jim is the straight man to Patterson's inept writing.

Now you might be wondering why I'm giving this story five stars. As bad as it is, Jim and Co. are unintentionally, preposterously, spit-your-drink-on-your-keyboard funny. From the first WTF moment-a summer storm starts freezing on the streets to the "withdrawl" from the ATM, to the robbery, to the waitress who goes from being a college student to a bullet removing bar owner, Jim and the Time Watch will have you gleefully anticipating the next truly unbelievable continuity-challenged situation.

If the contrived, clich├ęd, hackneyed plot developments aren't enough there is the deathless prose. `Even though he Jim was going to be in a stressful situation, he was sure he was going to be in a stressful situation.', `people who had fought up the corporate lattes', `He hurried his footsteps', Patterson might not be the next Shakespeare but....well, let's just leave it at that.

So five stars it is. Patterson can't write and I, for one, am really happy about it. I hope you will be too.