Spare Ammo

First you have the title, In the lives of :-: Claire and Adam (In the lives of:-),  that suffers from a little too much unnecessary punctuation. The you have this:

 Which suffers from random capitalization, incorrect word usage, lack of the common comma, and no period at the end. Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking butyou can't stop now and why can't you stop now? I have a cold and you must suffer.

Now read this:

Most of that is one long, rambling, run on, ill-conceived sentence.  It is only my great love for you all that is sparing you the opening scene of this, um, story, wherein the heroine, Claire, takes a bath and the reader desperately wants to take a shower using very hot water, Casteel soap, a scrub brush, and five gallons of brain bleach.

He refers to Claire's vagina as her "love door".

I feel like my intelligence has been molested.